drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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