if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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