i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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