thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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