How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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