with your own penis?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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