Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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