Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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