how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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