I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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