who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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