oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize