so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize