dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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