I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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