I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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