we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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