Yo dont text me then not text me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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