my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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