I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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