I can tuck mytits in my pants
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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