you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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