cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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