My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize