I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
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You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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