watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My legs feel like baby dolphins
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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