You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize