he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are my feet made of real feet?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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