I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize