we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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