so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Shame is for Republicans.
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