girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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