Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize