I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize