i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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