he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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