I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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