i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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