I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize