Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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