my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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