In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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