Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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