Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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