i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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