I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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