I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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