I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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