I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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