my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize