a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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